2010

Happy New Years Eve !! Welcome 2010. May you bring wonderful and sweet memories. Leave all the negative stuff at the door please. I will have a blast tonight drink a little and maybe smoke a little. LATERR

Such a bore

This city is so lonely. Why? Why must everyone be so frightend to step out of there comfort zone and try new things. I feel as If we all need to lighten up. Seriously I hate when there Is NOTHING to do. It's such a tragedy and a bore. (SIGH). I didn't feel like writing but look at me writing. This is what it comes down to... Breaking the rules has its consequences yes, but I mean why not risk something for once. Fuck it!

Relations.

Relationships are difficult.What's even more hard is keeping lovefest together. I don't know about everyone else but when I have those sweet, movie type of moments .. My boyfriend always has to go fuck it up. But you know what Love is looking beyond the flaws. I've learned to dig deeper.. There are answers surrounding us.. They are all over the place. I guess most of us are just to blind to see em'.

Cope with thyself

I bare with myself only because I live with myself. I canno't get rid of myself but I do not wan't to. I learn from my mistakes although at times I obliviously commit the same error over and over again. I reiterate " I deserve better" great, now I just have to believe it..

LOYALTY & HONESTY ..

Fake individuals get no where In life.. NO WHERE, I rather be blatantly honest with myself and others who surround me than live a lie. I do not care wether or not I hurt your feelings because at the end of the day you are going to be glad I told you what it is. Everyone needs a TRUE friend ya digg!

Great my day just got WORSE !! So back to my post VV down there ... well i just finished throwing up.. nice

blah,blah,blah.

What day... (sigh) it didn't turn out how I anticipated. I got a lovely text this morning from my baby, you know I thought I was going to be fine and slide right through the day but NO. Life decided to be a bit of a rebel.. See this is the problem with waiting for your friend to get ready to go to school.. When shes late, YOUR late.. I hate that shit with a passion. So from today on I take a pledge that I will no longer wait for anyone and take the damn ride by myself.. Anyways I felt BLAH the wholeee day today.. what a drag.. I think its because im really tired ? About to take a nap maybe, I have homework i need to do -_______-
Currently listing to: Unthinkable-Alicia Keys ft. Drake... Its been on replay ever since I can remember.. oh and another thing I have this problem were I forget things sooo quickly like I'll be talking about somthing and a split second later I'll be like uhhhh what was i just saying? Nooo goood man... Is there any pills for that ? Laterr.

Fuck jewels; I think my soul glows bright enough & fuck whips; I learn more when I ride the bus & fuck gold; it's bad enough that we fight for bucks & fuck hoes; 'cause in the end I need a man to love -- plus heaven is the life for us. . .

"I am convinced that the deepest desire within each of us is to be liberated from the controlling influences of our own psychic madness or patterns of fear. All other things—the disdain of ordinary life, the need to control others rather than be controlled, the craving for material goods as a means of security and protection against the winds of chaos—are external props that serve as substitutes for the real battle, which is the one waged within the individual soul."

Girls & Relationships.

Anticipating waiting for his call he has you like you've never witnessed before. Caught-up, in lust, and the best one; when your phone rings and your hoping that its him but you can't seem to find the "right" words to say...Hey?, hello?, Hi?, wuss sup?, Oh hey ?! (CLEARS THROAT)(SEXY VOICE) hello?! .. Yes very typical, its in all girls nature. We stay up all night wondering what hes up to or who hes spending the time that he should be spending with 'you'. Is he lieing? Hmm.. I don't want to call cause i don't want to seem "too on him" or "on his dick". We need to speak up more. You know? Voicing our opinion is something we must get to.

Mind.

There is no cure for the mind. It tells you one thing then it amends another. It drives you wild and will bring you to the conclusion that your not sane. Well your sane alright because I feel the same way. There is no escape to our thoughts, we just get more lost in them. The mind is so dysfunctional...

YUP

Nothing ever comes to you when you want it too.. Time has is lesuire.. ironic huh? I also noticed that friends come and go and the majority of the time they just USE you. I would know.. They come around more when they need a solid FAVOR "please" .. Well as we all know life goes on with or without anyone you thought you needed by yourside because mi⋅rac⋅u⋅lous⋅ly your still here. I am at the age where I am curious to know everything and am willing to do anything to find out .. but to come to think of it .. hasn't this been plain ol' mean from the GET?

My dick just died, can I bury it in your ass?

— best pick up line.

*

The wind tells me all its secrets. But it makes sure to whisper them to me softly in case anyone else is around. It makes me cold everytime it comes around.. But when it does pass by it lets me know im not alone. IM BARELY HANING ON.

fuck you J

Fuck niggas, they expect everything to be handed to them .. Like pussy must fly there way. Fuck no ! Ima start getting on my gully shit with guys no doubt. I hate when guys are "feeling themselves" shit is SO NOT CUTE .. and yes this is for you Jonathan .. you swear you the man i dont even know why .. I tried yes i trieddd to make it work but that was blaintly not enough for you. So from now on i would no longer be looking your way , speaking your name , and whenever you pop up in my head ima be like nah that motha fucka is lame.. And just as you know, you would never EVER find another chick like me and thats word..

Things that define ...

Some people think I’m aggressive, cause I know what I want, but that never mattered too much to me."

sometimes the best way to see a person is not to look at them cuz when you’re looking at them they’re gonna be on their best behavior

Is it cool for me to smother the facts? Is it cool for me to cover my tracks, if you’d never know? Or would me not being honest hurt you more. Hypothetically of course. Are there some things better left unsaid? Or would you wanna know instead..

She got book intelligence, street common sense, ain’t down for the bullshit. She can switch her mode from corporate to ghetto, either way she gone represent. Speaks her mind on what she does and what she don’t like. She’s that keep it real type. Cause see she’s very opinionated. You can take it how you want it, either you love it or you hate it.

i got lust issues, trust issues, fuck issues! but i got too many problems that i must issue


"Everybody loves you when they are about to cum."

"people will always come and go, in and out of our lives, but if theyre meant to be part of our lives, no matter what happens, theyll make it back to us, somehow.."

This wasn’t no ordinary love. Our sex wasn’t ordinary drugs. It’s crack, that crystal meth.. I mean it gets so wet, I had to go in depth."



" It is our enemies who provide us with the challenge we need to develop the qualities of tolerance, patience and compassion." ~ The Dalai Lama

He’s that guy that no matter how many more guys I go through, I’ll always have a thing for him."

A&S

Foreplay does nothing for me but commitment makes me wet. I already know you’re having an affair with words but boo, I’m married to it. My vocabulary leaves most men wary, I need to know … can you get into it?"

"And I can’t make you love me any more or any less. And I can’t make you relate to the problems I manifest. I can’t make you understand the reasons for my stress. All I can do is promise that I’ll try to do my best."

Wooo ! Seems like the best Monday ever despite the ugly weather. School was great lol well not really it just went by really FAST. Anyways there is some guy who i always see on my way home. So i was kinda sad walking by cause i didnt see him but little did i know he was THERE :) smoking a ciggarett under a little thingy there lol ! So he goes "i never got your name" & i turn around with my red umbrella and say "Sasha" and he says "Geo baby" wooo ! lol GASSED od .. Well he is so damn cute and he better stop me next time, that fucker >:)

As the days pass by , i realize is not as bad as i think. I amplify shit wayy to much and make it seem like i live the worst life ever. Little do I know i just have to be smart about it ..... Hmm no questions really.. I am happy where I am today & happy that I am alive <3

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE :)! But what luck do I have. Mother nature had to ruin it for me .. These cramps were killing me untill i took some pills :) ! I feel much better.. The smell of all the food woke me up this morning lmao.. oh man well yeah guys have fun , eat till you drop , or should i say till your button pops XD

i got few friendships, cus friends tend to shift. — Lupe Fiasco

I laughed when i saw this, the male species are SOO typical .. gosh

Prisoner of my soul.

I live life cautiously, because i know somewhere along this walk someone will be there to hinder my ability to get mine. There always is.. right? I do a little wrong here and there but i make up for it with deeds that come naturally to me. Thinking usually leads to disatisfaction, well for me. Negativeness never leaves sight. It's always there like a tail. Telling you all the macabre outcomes that can occur then you start to wonder the fuck did i even begin. blah blah blah im just bored... I am a prisoner of my own soul..

I love this poem x3

i am a prisoner.. a prisoner of my own soul
unable to express myself
like a picture on the wall
there.. but not actualy exisiting
my hands tied with secrets..
my mouth sealed with lies.
guilt as a hurdle, not letting me despumate
want to puke out this frustration that's within myself
feel so feeble, struggling to negotiate with my own conscience
my mind's manipulated, my soul corrupted
an onus to my very own being
just like a candle, finishing bit by bit
a force holds me back, whenever i try to escape
this life of hypocracy, insanity and pain
making up excuses.. fooling myself
not being able to let go.. ~
i am waiting.. waiting like a bird in a cage
waiting to be freed..-unknown.

over it.

Aright i admit it, my love life sucks. I don't know where I stand and I don't like it. No one really likes being alone and this is currently tearing me apart mentally. Cause see the old me wouldn't give a fuck whether or not I was single. But now is like theres this side of me that is yearing to explore love and everything that it has to offer. Me and Alex are not really talking right now. I think he is ignoring me. Too bad for him because when he decieds to come back it ull be too late and there will be no more second chances.There wont be no more us... if there ever was to begin with. At times i think to myself well hey i didn't waste all this time, we made it pretty far.. but for better or for worse i have to let him go because the relationship we have is unhealthy..I have to do whats right for me. He always takes my kindness for weakness, I'm over it. I will be patiently waiting untill the next one comes along.. which i know wont be long .. Like Hova said " And I'm on to the next one" ...

I am appalled by my own sincerity. I am phazed by my inner amenity. I try not to be to fond of the thing such called love. It irrates me thinking about the absence it has occured in my heart. It has caused me wisdom and serenity and i say this with fondness because next time i stumble upon the next man i know where i stand.

There's someone out there for everyone. So where's mine? Was there a delay or something or am I just impatient. I always get fooled and think its him everytime but as usual I am wrong.

Life works in vague, enigmatic, peculiar ways .. We don't get to see what's going to happen next and that intrigues the human stability to have any type of patients. At times my sense of humor is my best asset because it is the only thing that gets me by.

?!

I sink into my own. I dive into the shallow and get hurt each and everytime. I am hardheaded, I do not listen. You may tell me something but I'll tell you different. Yes I'm going to do things my way , ill learn from my mistakes there are no boundaries. All i ask for is for you too seek me as I seek you. My adrenaline PUMPS everytime you pass by and for a moment... i thought i had you. Now that you are gone i can't seem to stop thinking about you knowing that i am only alarming myself. No i do not see the light, i am deep in the depths of obscurity. I can be charming and maybe steal a smile. Its fatal atraction baby. Till death do I part, I will make this world mine.

Back to my old ways ? Yeah.. Rebellion is kicking in. Smfh can't seem to do any right any more. Blah blah blah ugh whatever you suck !

3/2/09

So yesterday i saw him after like 3-4 weeks. I missed him so much & while i was in the cab on my way home i missed him already. 9 months and counting and i love him <3 I know he feels the same way because those moments when he tells me so i remember perfectly. Yesterday he asked me "would it hurt you to show a little affection?" I didn't know he felt that way but everything turned out perfectly. It felt like if i was in a movie.. I'm not going to rush things because for some reason i just know you'll always be there I love you (A+S)

I want a love that's REAL. A love that I feel. A love that leaves me at lost for words. A love that when they hold you, your absolutely sure its real. FML i hate how i am currently feeling WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!

I want, i want, i want.

At times i find myself being my own enemy. I put myself down worse than anyone ever could. I always want what i can't have, i want what I dont have, I want what everyone else has, i want what i cant grasp.

This is now.

My actions reflect on my thoughts wich lead me here to this deserted place. Only those who look within and past the human exterior will be those who win my heart.Slowly but surely i will rise from this depth where ive layed my whole life. My face is filled with insecurties and dirt from the past which comes and haunts me now and then. My mind plays these tricks on me but i tell myself its these stupid hallucinations again.. Then they fade into the background while i dance around and inhale the pureness of today... As i lie in my bed and close my eyes these funny little pictures apear in my head , theres no where to run nor no where to hide.. I face my fears as if today were my last day. I push myself everyday because i know if i dont, no one else will.

"Live life abundantly"-Seven Pounds

"In a world of fakes, dare to be real."

So this is it. Life is coming quicker and closer to its destination. It ended in a blink of an eye, better said it ended before it even started. The moon lights up my soul and it gives me hope for many days to come. I may be misunderstood and i may get my ego struct a lot but no one could tell me different. I am me and this is all i know. I can't be no one else , trust me i've tried and i failed. At the end of the day its just me left alone with shitty emotions, so why not make the best out of my life? I dont give a fuck what anyone thinks, says or misbelieved they saw. I dont dwell on these pitty suckers, sucked into this hole of enmity. They are trapped and cannot come out until they have realized all the silly foolish games they have been playing among themselves. Play your cards right, forreal because if you dont sooner or later the tables will turn and shit will begin to backfire on you, you know what I am talking about.

"BE REAL, HAVE HEART, LIVE LIFE."

Blahhh -_____- sigh i hate finding shit out.. somethings are better left unsaid...Trying to change someone is nearly impossible. I guess i should have never tried in the first place .. Happy birthday though, your 18 today.

They say every sweet has its sour but still niggas like to devour me , yes sweety i think its about that hour, jump in the shower call ma boy howard tell him we need to do the austin powers.. Get freaky baby , get freaky . DONT ASK LOL !

wass good ! Today was so blah but he lit my day up. With him he makes my heart jump and every second that we are together i can't get enough. I dont want him to be anywhere else then with me , i know a bit selfish but so what.

TGIF

Hey ! Finally the weekend is here again .. It didnt take long though, the week went by pretty quick.. So im confused with myself, im playing with to many peoples emotions and i have a feeling that i am the one that is going to be hurt in the end.. I dont know its fun lmao chill i sound like a jerk.. Anyways ima go out tonight have a good time, smoke a little weed, drink maybe, plant my lips on my guy and do whatever the fuck id like HOLLA !

Nothing is really what it seems sometimes i be wishing that this was all but a dream. Not wanting to face reality is a common theme but we just the characters which always mislead. See you could go your own little path or follow the rest show them your wild side show them your breast. I never fold in drama that shit aint for me I have better shit to worry about ya niggas is corny.Everyday is a struggle but some niggas just cant stay out of trouble I dont seem to get it, its like they dont know what they live for but like tupac once said "why am i trying to live, if im just living to die" "what am i trying to see , if there is nothing in sight". Our past is what mostly holds anyone back from achiveing, trying , or failing AGAIN. Were scared for those open wounds to reopen that we know are still there but we deney vehemently. There is some good out there for all of us but some of us are just to stuburn , talking bout how 'god why you dont love me, i never done nothing wrong promise ill go to church just lemme prove this motha fucka wrong'. Constantly i find myself contemplateing about all the people that have done me wrong , for a second i rage this feeling of vindictiveness but once i give it a second thought its gone.I think to myself there not even worth it.

LIFES A BITCH' CAUSE IF IT WAS A SLUT, IT'D BE EASY.

(SIGH) Another ugly fucking day .. Shit blew mine.. Today was not a good day at all mainly everyone in school ticked me off.. People sure do know how to push someones buttons.. My goodness and arent people noesy these days ? sheesh its like they have nothing better to do .. Get a life .. I hate two faced people.. I hate fake people.. Its very simple keeping it 100 with someone .. Wether there feelings get hurt or they take it personal thats all on them .. Anyways im on my (fuck the world) status .. I truely feel that people need to grow the fuck up , get a fucking life, do something good for themselves for once and be happy. They try to take my happiness away but i wont let that happen ..

Wow god is good! Today was a break through for my mother. She went to church for the first time in 44 years. I love her. We have been through tufF , tuff times. She has gone through stuff you cant even imagine. Its incredible.. She has cried her soul out to me today. Today is a day i am going to remember dearly.. I love god , I love my mother & I love myself for being strong enough. Dear lord i want to thank you for everything you have done in my life And i pray that you continue to mold me and my mother to the people that we are ment to be.. ILY <3

Good morning world.. I woke up super early today for no reason well actually to find out that my mom still isnt home yet -__- . Im worried because her phone is off so lets see when she shows up.. Anyways im making my own food, it sucks i usually have it handed to me in the morning, yeah i know i sound like a spoiled lil brat.. I might go to church today , lets see what happens. Ive been alone these past couple of dayssss.

Hey :) I cut my hair really really short !! And im not to happy with the results but whatever its hair; it grows back eventually... I am home on another rainy day but with the urge of smoking AGAIN. ughh i cant seem to find anywhere.. Im home alone, hungry and lonely.. save me from my misery .

So much soul lies within this girl. She inspires me. I am the aspiring singer/writer that i am today because of her. Everytime i listen to one of her songs it just gives me peace and a sense of serenity. I want to have what she has.I believe that i will make it ONE DAY.. My time will come.. I listened to her ever since i was young and i always saw a little bit of me in her maybe thats why i like her so much. Shes hot you know it >:)

Love. It is bittersweet, it is taunting, it is desire, but most of all it is fate. It brings out the best and the worst in most of us. We dont need it but we wan't it or wait, we want it because we need it? Still that is what we strive and yearn for. This subject is too complex for a simple minded person like me. Don't get me wrong i am far from ignorant. Love is blind and that is something i have witnessed. Us girls take these assholes way to serious but hey love just happens. They enjoy playing with our emotions to much. Agree? I hate that shit. But we learn; mostly the hard way though. Its the worst when we spend our time reminisceing about what used to be. Thats lousy. Love is lousy.. Well sometimes not always.. laterx3

I'm quite reckless.And the more that i underestimate myself i turn into a daredevil. People don't get to see the dark-side of me to much but thats because i decide not to show it. Thats when the name calling begins. Oh, your crazy .. You know what maybe i am "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." I think that we as people should stop misjudeging other peoples demeanors. Because i am one who is always misunderstood no matter how clearly i put it down for humanity. Its just crazy gibberish to them.. Anywho as the days hit the end of the calendar i begin to wonder where has my time been wasted? School, My head , WHERE? Time is one that is surely intangible. We cant contol it , it is inevitable.. It controls us.

Hi there, cold day, mixed emotions. Eyes start to swell up as the tears begin to drown me. If you dont want to deal with my bullshit simply dont talk to me SIMPLE AS THAT. I have my period so that explains my attitude towards life. I feel RABIA .... Feel like tearing shit apart , screaming, yelling all that ... I am crazy i know it for a fact ... but you know what i accept it .. No biggie . Anyways im talking to some guy named Jonathan. I find him cute others may not but it is I that finds he attractive so therefore they have no say in my emotions toward him. I am begining to develop feelings for him and i dont know if this is good or bad .. the bad part that has already been established is that he goes to the same school as me.. you know how that goes.. I am the type that does not like being tied down in no situation let alone one with a guy from my school.I have alot of speculators in that school and its begining to annoy me .. Well wait it has always botherd me but i am passionately strong about people interfearing with my personal life. Shit, like mind your business. Thats what i have been yellin to everyone at school today i was extremely pissed off .. ugh .. wow it seems like i wrote down a fuking book ... times like these is when i need god.. Times like these is when i need A BLUNT .. true story .. For the niggas Holla if you have me, FUCK you if you had me. What nourishes me, destroys me .. HOFFA

I am me and thats all who i can really be. Every time i try to step out of my character, its too peculiar so i step back .. "you only lose, when you fight back" man life is a journey for everyone. Im feeling mellow right now as usual nothing new. Its a shitty day, its the clouds that put my life on a delay. Im waiting for my moment, dont it bother you when people look down on you ? When they equal to you ? fuck that .... I am doing my own , not worrying about no one ..

I blame myself for my idiotic actions i take upon myself. I feel doomed with all this animosity. Like as if there wasnt another answer. People need to open their eyes to the bigger picture.. I consider myself as one of those 'looking at the bigger picture' type of people. I feel so alone at times its not even funny. And then i start to contemplate about all the people i know and its like DAMN.. But all i could say to myself is stay up & dont listen to what others have to say because at the end they are HUMAN and they DO feel the same emotions i feel so no need to worry. PEACEE X3