me

At times I feel like smokeing my life away. But I always hope for better days and they never let me down. I always keep my head up even if my heart is at war. I do have something to live for or in that case someone and that is myself.

Sometimes I don't think I just act. And that gets me in touble. Because peoples feelings get hurt and then I'm the one to blame. I can't help myself if everything I say is true. I speak bluntly to get my point across to you. And Im never one to sugar coat anything.Honesty is key but it might bring you enemys. Open your eyes and realize that this is a cold cut world. No one truly cares.

Memories go along with the ashes in my ashtray. My past is something I no longer associate with but why must it still linger? It's been a pest for as long as I can remember. I am fed up..


To be continued.

I don't know how to respond to ya ungenuine people. I can't even relate won't ever let you take me out on a date. I don't even know why ya attempt its the same old story its time to redempt.

Can I live ?

At times I don't even feel my own self, I ain't even going to lie. I feel dissapointed and agressive when things don't go my way. I get scared because when you loose, you start to become unfamiliar with yourself. And finding yourself again is not an easy situation to be in. Sitting around contemplateing wether or not this is the life you want to live, you'll give it all for a happy ending and some good kids. Unfortunately a lot of things are not handed to us like most people, but all am saying is can I live?

Battle field

My pride is getting the best of me right now. I can't express myself the way I fully want to. I don't know if I should follow my heart because we know that's the most deceiving of em all. What am I to do when my mind is telling me no, but my heart is tugging?




To be continued...

Simplicity isn't a form or fact in that matter that comes along so easily. It does not come in a jar, bottled up , or packaged. Are you catching my drift? Well good. Us beings have to make it through life, wether if its from a struggle, never ending battles (sometimes with ourselfs) or just disatisfaction with thy self. Mainly prior to our aggorance we mislead our motives and they become alterier motives, and that my friends is not a good thing. You may be oblivious to this in the begining of course because this, you prioritze into a utopia. Your world goes un-realistic and everything will revolve around you. People will try and emulate you but we all know the original is always better than the copy.

Check.

As I watch life pass me by in a blink of an eye, I learn quite a lot. You either educate yourself in some roads and other you get taught in. School doesn't aknowledge you on the hard stuff. It's really fast, this thing we call life. Some times I have to check my grip because I loose it from time to time. Life is a heatbreak unless you make it special. Don't be up tight and be social. Memories have a big impact on us as emotional beings. Somtimes we go through unbearable things and keep it locked up inside us. It's not healthy, you start to go crazy. Being sane was never a part of me.

Soft spoken memories.

He came in barging through the door. He didn't say one word but I knew something was wrong because his eyes looked like he had the devil in him. Plates dropping and smashing, yelling and screaming. I walk to the kitchen and see my mother there in my fathers arm, the knife would of cut her if she kept squirming. He told her to be quiet and demanded for me to go to my room. But I couldn't, I stood there. My shirt was soaking wet because my tears droped so frequently. I didn't know what to do. I never witnessed my mommy so terrified in my life. I couldn't believe how such a dramatic thing could be happening, I only seen this in movies. When I got to my room I fell to the ground, held my head between my legs and balled my eyes out. This was the day when I realized life wouldn't be the same.

:-/

Memories kill me and thinking if life is really suppose to be this way just kill me. I hate feeling the way I'm feeling now. I don't know whats what. I am so confused and I just come out rude. I do what I do to please myself so next time you say 'that bitch is fake' dont underestimate me cause I will go hard forever. They say if something is meant to be in your life then it will always find is way back. But what happens when I feel like shit cause I don't know if I made the right decision or not. This is all mind bogging. Shit my life is an intrumental, put when the words pour out my mouth they flood.

This is how am feeling.

Mistakes are part of our pasts. And that my friend is an great example of Inevitable, regretable like "fuck man that shit is unforgetable."- Yours Truly.

Guys.

Theres so many out there. The diversity of all men is beautiful. Did I mention that there are many cute ones too ? Ugh, I just can't get enough. I do what I do with my realationships with guys. I know what I am doing. I am getting a taste of whatever is out there. So that when its time for me to get married I know percisely what I want. Smart men is such a turn on, oh my god you don't even know. When I see intelligence in a man thats like 38378937 points right there. They keep me infatuated because I know that they can hold a conversation and they know what they want. True love will find me one day. I don't know what to call whats going on in my life currently. But for now I will be procastinating. I have no ring on my finger you see. Another thing, I can't feel restricted to freedom because all hell will break loose. I will not be controlled by any man , at a moment I may let him feel like he has the upper hand but in reality I run shit. Yes, I can get agressive but is that a bad thing ? No, it just simply means I know what I want.

Sometimes running away seems like the best solution to most of our problems. But what happens when we have to come back and face reality? We have to confront our fears one day. I've been behind this facade for a long time now, and its kind of hard to get out. I have accustomed to my many ways and won't have anyone tell me different.

Vent

I do as I please. Yes I will get things done when I feel like it. Seriously it is my life I don't need no co-piolte. I will do me and I will stunt even harder for the hating ass bitches. I know that some people claim to be your nigga and what not but I ain't no fool , I can smell fakes and my senses are very distinctive. I do not like to be rushed under no circumstances.

Hold up let me digest that, you said I'm the best and theres nothing else above that. I have you feeling like a king in bewteen the sheets, but my intelligence is what keeps you hooked.

Okay so here it goes. This is the story that every young girl knows. When she puts her feelings out there to the world it all comes trembling back as she falls. Theres nothing in this world that will help her get up. Shes beat down, no hope and lack of faith. Going insane with all the false accusations , they were so redundant. Sick of all the lies , she'll hold herself while she cried in her sleep. Church made a difference for a while but it all went back to the same shit. Sex,weed,guys and more lies. She felt so down in the gudda, felt so timid to talk to her mother. But she is no longer blinded by these ignorant fools that walk on the surface of this earth. Shes learned that she need no one but herself to make it.

Mila Kunis

My reality just set in.

Me, myself & I

I will always be me. I will never let anyone interfere with that EVER. I've been down that road to many times before and I have came to the jurisdiction that that error will no longer be commited. I've seen myself down way too many times.I have accecpted myself with flaws and all. No one is perfect and no one needs to be. Being your own bestfriend is an advantage that is highly reassuring.

Finally writers block is gone !

I hate regreting stuff, thats why I have put a final procastination to it. I hate when memories or certain types of smells linger around me. It kills me. I hate having one thought in my head for too long and rewinding that shit over, and over, and over again. But like I said I have to put all my faults and mistakes behind me and become a better person. When I look back though I say "what the fuck was I thinking". Seriously I am happy I know all that I know now. Its fun being acknowledge to life and everything that it brings. That means next time I wont fall and stumble over that same rock. I will walk around it and lead a new path. I observe everything and I am always the one to catch that tiny little detail that no one else caught. I admire anyone who recognizes there fucks ups and reiterates whatever they were trying to overcome in the first place. Did you know that being REAL is key baby? Didn't you know? Give it a shot. And always believe in yourself and stand up for whatever you like. Be strong because thats all it takes, of course there is always going to be those haters but it aint nothing but a G thang. Means you doing something right.

dile al amor

I don't want to sound redundant but having someone by your side is not that bad after all. I mean with the constant disagreements and whatever the case may be, NO relationship is perfect.

Don't stop get it, get it!

Life. It can change drasticly from one day to the next. My feelings towards life blossoms daily. I mean theres no way to dodge every obstacle possible right? I might as well get my shit out of the way so that I could live my life peacefully. I admit to being angry when things don't go my way and I've learned that when things like that happen to simply change my perspective of looking at life. I hate dwelling on something because you never get anything out of it. I have to keep moving foward baby, because there is nothing good for me in my past.

Feburary 1st

Well hello Feburary :) Didn't expect you so soon but here you are. You've dropped your bags at the door and got comftable.. You also brought your meanist cold with you as well. I hope that this month will be a good one. One where I will be exposed to reality or something really beautiful. I am tired of being restord so hurry along now cause I cant wait for spring to arrive. Feburary you are also known for your heart filled day "Valentines Day" wich didn't struck my fancy to much this year. Its maybe because I'm done with all that corny shit.

?

I guess shit is working out how its suppose to. I'm getting calls from him and this must mean something. Yes I will do anything in my power to keep this together , but seriously am I really good at that ? I just came out of a unhealthy relationship and look at me barging in another like its no BIG deal when in reality is HUGE. I mean I'm just having fun right?.. As if toying with someones emotions is a game that everyone plays.. I don't know.