I basically raised myself. My father was never around and my mom was there but not really there. Catch my drift?.. She had her bad habits and I came accustom to mine. By the age of 11 I was already doing things I wasn't suppose to be doing. OR even thinking of. The streets had a part on it. But I think i did a pretty good job at raising myself, because here I am. 17, a high school graduate, not pregnant and im doing the best I can to stay sane.

I always feel like everyone else is better than me...or prettier, and lead better lives than me. But then I stop and realize that I am my own person. I AM UNIQUE. I have my own aura and NO ONE will ever be like me.

My impurities are what makes me perfect. And whoever can look past my old ways and scars, is one that will win me over.

The sound of the flames are beggining to get louder. I can't stop misbehaving and not following rules. What I am supose to do ? I'm confused..

Running away from something bigger than me.

Running away from problems that I no longer feel like copeing with. My heart is pounding at the same rate as my thoughts is. I can't take it, I'm giving up, I'm relapsing, I DONT GIVE A FUCK! I've been down this road many times before but this man once told me 'just hold on and be strong'.

xo

I don't know why i still find myself thinking of you till this day. I said I was over you which I am but the truth is I think i still might love you. What we had was something I never had before and thats why it hit me hard. Seeing you now with your new gf on facebbook doesnt really bother me.. I just laugh because shes a downgrade from me. But hey if youre happy, be happy.. I dont know.. maybe is the weather that has me reminising or maybe its your clothes that are lying around my house that lingers you closer to me. Or is it the dreams, cause quite honestly I see you there too ... but listen life goes on ... and like you just wrote on your status " I love you enough to let you go " ...

bullshit.

As I get older, i view people differently. I learn about all their bullshit and fairy tail liess. But I get wiser as I go along. Headaches and pangs come around too but never stay around much. Sometimes I think incorrectly because im soo confused, unheard, sad? , lonely? I dont know.. My insanity has vanished. Growing and tearing about into a new me, a better me, a SMARTER me. Life is love but love is EVIL. "I think and therfore I am" I am a overachiever with the things i want in life, and starting off with you, that can be a lost case ;)

Lagrimas

I hate when I get that urge to cry. That lump in your throat appears and its hard to swallow. Then suddenly those tears emerge. So gentle yet so spiteful.

People are so fucking selfish OMG... My "friends" have been showing their true colors lately and its not a good sight. I'm slowing adapting to being by myself all the time and coping with my own problems. But you know what, I will still be there for them when they decide to not give me their backs anymore BECAUSE THATS THE TYPE OF GIRL I AM. I don't hold grudges but I do remember shit, foul shit that you do then go and call yourself my "friend"? Get the fuck out of here man. Where the hell did loyalty go? Did all ya bitches forget the meaning of a friendship? I guess so.... Anyway from now on I vow to myself to only count on myself for everything cause thats how shit has to be now. I don't give a fuck anymore.

Not much changes but the people.

Bitches are so fucking stupid now a days.... so many many fakes out here. Can't deal.

I wonder why I never learn my lesson.

I've been trying to run away from my past trying to change the person I was before. I'm sick and tired of going through the same shit over and over again so here I go looking for a better solution today.Who will I be tomorrow? I need to get it right man cause it feels like im running out of time.

Without having the inability to speak, my mind will be shut behind big metal gates. I wouldn't be able to express myself to this world to which is oblivious to love but open to hate. Sin has been around since adam and eve and still we believe if we pray we will be clean of our bad deeds. When you redeem you will see the light

Completely careless.

As the days go by, I can't help but remain still. The silence eats up my soul and leaves nothing, if there was anything to begin with. I refrain from the world so much because I'm afraid of hurt and dispassion and ignorance and what other people have to say. But to come to think of it, these people, YOU, do not know what journeys and downfalls I have encountered. So who are you to judge me? I live to make myself content and sometimes make those close to me happy. I need to do what makes me smile and gives me bliss. I wan't to be able to wear what I want without eyes burning holes in the back of my neck. I WAN'T TO BE FREE. Let go of all my insecurities and live a completely careless life.

I had decions that I've put off for the fact of fear. It made eveything so complicated when I was so near. I couldn't accomplish my goal, I'm not even whole.

..

Never had I pictured it this way. Nothing went according to plan. There were so many fuck ups and mistakes I soon knew I would regret. But I took my chances anyway, and stuck with the outcome.

rant

Life is really coming to me now. I don't have to wait for weekends to have my fun. I could do what i want when I want. Especially since the nice weather is arriving I know summer 2010 is going to be great. I can't wait for school to be over, and I can't wait till I go to Cali. xoxo

Kiddo.

They say your true colors come out when your going through tuff times. I now see that you are a little shithead like the rest of them. Name calling won't get you anywhere, I understand that helps your ego but come on, did you really have to go that low? Do yourself the favor and grow up.

A lot on my mind.

I can't take the pressure anymore. Its building up it feels like I'm ready to burst any mintue now. I know I'm not perfect but I am surely capeable of many other things. As I try to gasp for another breath of air, my eyes are saying something thats not even there. I don't wan't to be different I just want to be me . It's so simple like an apple falling from a tree. Imagine me wandering aimlessly, hopelessly that so unlike me. When this sadness fades away thats just when my heart fails me.

"I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)