A lot on my mind.

I can't take the pressure anymore. Its building up it feels like I'm ready to burst any mintue now. I know I'm not perfect but I am surely capeable of many other things. As I try to gasp for another breath of air, my eyes are saying something thats not even there. I don't wan't to be different I just want to be me . It's so simple like an apple falling from a tree. Imagine me wandering aimlessly, hopelessly that so unlike me. When this sadness fades away thats just when my heart fails me.

"I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Zoe Kravits

Doubt

Is known to mess up your train of thoughts. It makes things complicated because you always think "what if?" and that what if can go a long way. And you know Biggie said only do something if your heart is in it. Transitioning from doubt to success may take a while but never let your hopes go, but cause that also can go a long way.

TWO complex.

No one knows me better than myself, and that is true. Sometimes I fight my own self because I know whats right but just yearn to do wrong. I always remind myself that there will be better days though, because if I dont I'll probably loose it. I am aware of my past but the key to that door is no longer around. The mistakes I made will no longer have a hold on me. I made a vow to my future that I will be emotionally prepared for whatever comes my way. You never know what tomorrow will bring so hold on tight. I never really fathomed the whole concept of death but lets not get into that on this post.. But I never let anyone get too close, I sometimes even push myself away. My standards for living are easy , I'm complex only when I dont know, you know? HA I am to complex for myself.

Demented serenity.

I keep trying to hide, but they always seem to find me. I loose intrest to soon, and I may come off as a little rude but this is who I am, I tried changing my ways but what else can a girl do ? I don't mean to break your heart but you should have worn it on your sleeve. Didn't they tell you love isn't always crack up to what its suppose to be? All these fairytales and movies only tease you and make you believe, because none of that is real it only happens in our dreams. So baby don't take it personal, take a shot of this henny and get comftable. Reality always seems to crush my fantasys.

Selena

She was so beautiful <3

I'll make it.

I want my life to get exciting, to be fun ; not average. But I know for that to happen I have to make it work. I won't just wait and see what floats by and jump on, no sorry I won't. I know I have misinterperted many opportunitys and turned them down but knowningly they could have got me to some other place rather than here. I am a dreamer and also a believer. I will achieve this ( you better believe her ). My time to shine will come soon enough, I just have to get the heavy stuff out the way so that I could live a good life. I don't want to be a bum who has done nothing with their life after highschool. That won't be me I promise.

Sometimes it is scarey looking yourself in the mirror, we all know our insecurities could eat us alive.