ReGAURDless

When the sun starts to set and the moon slowly rises, I convert into this person who remains openminded. As I utter the words that fall from my lips, eyes dart me down from any slight sense of bliss. Sometimes I make mistakes and beat myself up for it. Then a feeling of nostalgia forms around me, Its unbearable and I start to deflate. I am no longer gassed up, I am no longer high up. Salty tears rolling down the side of my cheeks, It can't be that long ago that I was yelling 'You gotta live it up'. Man, how time creeps up on us. It felt like yesterday I was kissing him now I'm kissing you, am I misunderstood? I won't be taken for a fool. My mind remains alert at all times, and I never let my guard down at any given time, just in case a motha fucka like you tends to trip.

Shaking my whole head.

Aight I will stop procastinating. I will do my writing for the day... Today has been splendid although I didn't spend it with " the love of my life " as he would say. Okay so I have a bit on a conflict on my hands...I broke up with the guy I was dating for 10 months for a guy I was merely in lust with a while back. I feel bad because I left him broken hearted.On top of that I am giving him some bullshit ass answer why I can't be with him anymore. But see the guy that I am currently with now is has better and I will state why : He lives wayyyy closer to me , like really Its not a bit of a hassel. He's a better fuck, no lie he has given me the best sex of my life. He is more affectionate. Like I could go on forever but let me stop shitting on the first guy. Hmm I like were I am going with this I just feel very badass.

Gmacckin

As I sit back and mack to all my niggas that be trying to kick it to me, Its the same old shit b..None of this is new to me you see , I've always been complimented on my looks; niggas go on and use the same trick out the book. I heard it all before, all the beautifuls, all the pretties all the wonderful " I'll give you the world ma", but in their languae is 'let me hit it'.. its always the same shit in store. Its crazy how they all fall head over heels for me and I havent even said one word. My beauty just amazes them that much I guess.. but they won't even make it to the second step. I just straight lay it down for the kid like 'yo I ain't looking for nothing but maybe in the future we could work it out some more'. Lol I'm no heart breaker I just don't beat around the bush , I wont even let him let his gaurd down lemme tell you in this second hook... I don't have time to be falling in love, so I won't lead you on cause listen then I'll be waisting my time. You think I'm a bitch ? Its aight though cause I agree , all ya mother fuckers made me this way sad and angry. Made me bitter to the soul for a second ya gave me nothing to live for.. But that won't be my route this time around thats why I know better now and live for myself before I live for any nigga.

HAITI

Wow, I just got the goose bumps. I thought Hati was okay after all the money that was donated, how ignorant of me right? I just finished watching the news and these people are fighting each other over a sack of rice.. Beating each other with sticks and all that grave shit.. Damn I hope I never have to encounter anything NEAR to that. I send my blessings out to Haiti.

Self everything.

Its always different. I am not thinking as I was yesterday. I have new motives, new ideas and new concepts of different things. I am one down ass chick. I try to understand everyone and their situations, only problem is that if I don't agree with your morals we might just clash.. Arguements may arise, but we grown so its not a big deal. We will put it behind us.. Experience is precious despite the scars and flash back it may have imprinted on you. But this is how we commute into better people. We have to learn how to put all of our alterior motives aside. Stop being so damn selfish, but its hypocritical at times because selfishness is the way to better yourself. Self-worth is one thing I belive in highly.. I just let someone I love go because of that.. No one can disregaurd my motives or my requests to just be respected.. When you respect yourself you will soon start to see everyone doing just so. Be true to yourself.

The day has come

So life moves on.. I cant like i really mean I CAN'T keep going back. It's so unhealthy. Today I think I made it pretty clear that you and I are done. It's so hard letting go because for a moment I thought we had something.. I'm here sitting reading your IM telling me how you know that you don't make me happy so god willing the next person I am with treats me right...

And I love it.

My day was cool,calm, and collective. I was distant so I was told, but so what. Anyways I'm chillin right now .. I've been very pensive today.. On my train ride home I was suming up the definition of "Love" in my words, and this is as far as I got: Love- Its when your at peace with yourself and surroundings. Your gaurd is no longer up but open to the eyes of those who have your love.. Hmm idk it still needs a little but of tuning up but whatever.. So I've been thinking about college. I have one more year till I graduate. And luckily I know that I do want to go to college and I do want a future and I do know what I want to major in. A couple years back I remember telling myself I don't even know what I want to do. But here i am pursuing my Writing career. This career will suit me well because I love to write my feelings out. This is were I express myself most. I was made for this. I mean theres so many different types of writing that varies. I'm either going with Creative Writing, Journalism .. or hmm idk .. I also made up my mind that I would like to write a book in the future. When I have experienced more and what not.. I am content with the person I am today. I am glad that I've always been the head and not the tail.

FML

Everytime I want nothing to do with you, you always come running. This is serious because this means I am not strong enough. I feel like I am a slave to your love. I trust you ... but not enough. And this makes me wonder if what you tell me is true. I fucking hate feeling this way FUCKKK !

S&A

I miss him So so so so much. On the second of this month, It made 10 months that I have known you. I am amazed because we worked out perfectly. I remember the day we met as if it were yesterday. I am glad that I didn't listen to my cousin and kept my life going with you because for the two months that I did decide to stop I was living in agony. You found your way back to me. I'm happy with you and your imperfections. Because you know I look beyond those. I give into you so easily baby and I don't know its just something that you do to me. And I'll be damned if I were to let you go. I know better though. All I wanted to do is show my appreciation for you so here it is. I love you. Oh and congrats you just got your liecense :)